You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
