one word: firstdatebathroomanal
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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