don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
