I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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