Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
