I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize