yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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