My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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