Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
