I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
