I just pynch a tree in the face
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
