dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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