apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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