My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
