just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
