I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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