Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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