Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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