i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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