She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize