Just fell off a train. Bad.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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