First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
