Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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