I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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