after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
