I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This is my gift to your gina
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
