why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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