How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
