I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
do herpes really smell.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
