Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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