Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
