this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
