Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
