He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
