I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
