if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
