ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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