i barfeds in our rink
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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