Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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