I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
