I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
