I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
