I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Be still, my beating vagina.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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