I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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