Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
