i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
