I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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