redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
