So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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