I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
