i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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