Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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