Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Two words: blizzard sex
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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