I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
