I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
