I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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