matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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