Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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