You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
