it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
