I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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