i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
