I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
