What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
